Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
