I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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