She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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