I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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