Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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