oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
