i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
wow bdsm is so cute
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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