my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
