you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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