True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
