absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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