I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
