that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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