She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
