I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im six kinds of drunk right now
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
