Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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