I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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