you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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