Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
