Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
