HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize