Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
pop tarts are not kleenex
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
