she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
