R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
