He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
