Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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