i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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