so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
