my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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