apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
