can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
