I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
