just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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