she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
