I feel like I'm in dance class right now
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
God, I missed his penis.
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