Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
