I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I feel great
I just peed on a car
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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