it's too hot outside to masturbate.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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