Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize