So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So squirting runs in the family.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
