true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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