WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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