I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize