It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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