And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
be right there i have to get my cape
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
