I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he fucked my hip out of place.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
