she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
