chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize