Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
