i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
