I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize