i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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