I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
