Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
