Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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