Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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