so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
