i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize