i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
