walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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