Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
