Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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