I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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