Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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