Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
