I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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