after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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