wakey wakey hands off snakey
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There r osticjed everywhere
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize