if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
